


Kiss me if I'm wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?

by MissCellophane



Series: The Adventures of Mai Parker-Keener [8]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Fluff, Fluff without Plot, Harley is 19, Harley is a terrible flirt, I'm bad at flirting but so is Harley apparently, I'm laughing way too much at some of these, M/M, Peter finds it hilarious, Peter is 18, Suggestive language, and by that I mean he uses really bad and cringe worthy pick up lines, some of these are sooo bad, tell me if i need to tag anything else, this was written purely for my own amusement, which is probably why it doesn't have much of a plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-03-09 11:33:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18916129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissCellophane/pseuds/MissCellophane
Summary: "Do your legs hurt from running through my mind all night?"Peter blinked up from his mug of coffee "Morning Harley.""You must do interior design because you definitely made this room more beautiful.""I suck at interior design." Peter replied before taking a sip of his coffee.Or Harley tries to embarrass Peter with pick-up lines. It doesn't go the way he thought it would.(Part of a series but can be read as a One shot)





	Kiss me if I'm wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?

**Author's Note:**

> I just really love pick-up lines. This doesn't even have any plot. I just really wanted to use some pick-up lines. 
> 
> Enjoy Peter and Harley being stupid together. I didn't even get to use all the pick-up lines I wanted since I didn't know how to add them in...This is set a few weeks after 'Field Trip Disaster'.
> 
> mon petit chou = my little cabbage in French (Correct me if I'm wrong). I have been informed it could also mean My little cream puff/My little sweety ^^
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Harley was bored. No, he was more then bored. He was super bored. He just got back from a lecture, he was taking college courses online but he still apparently had to show up at the campus for a few classes each month, only to find out everyone else was busy. Tony was stuck in a meeting until three and Peter was working in his lab, leaving him upstairs alone. Mai was spending the week with Pepper in Paris so he couldn't even hang out with her.

‘Actually.’ Harley’s eyes lit up ‘I _am_ gonna go bother Peter.’

He headed down to Peter’s lab with a grin.

He walked in to see his boyfriend leaned over his work desk fiddling with what looked to be one of his web shooters. Seeing as the teen hasn't yet seemed to notice him, Harley did what any self-respecting mischievous southern genius would do. He snuck up on him. 

"Hey Darlin'." He whispered teasingly into Peter's ear.

Peter jerked up in surprise, cursing as he tripped back and fell against Harley. His finger slipped on the web shooter and they both blinked in shock as the web covered them both before tightening around them and making them fall, Harley landing on the floor underneath Peter. 

...

When Peter finally opened his eyes he noted with mild embarrassment that he not only fallen onto Harley but they had both ended up on the floor. If that wasn't embarrassing enough they were pressed firmly together with his webs.

Harley blinked a couple times before laughing, Peter soon joined him.

"Wow."

"S-sorry! You startled me." Peter managed to laugh out.

Harley snickered "It's fine, I should'a known you were gonna do something like that  _mon petit chou_." He replied in amusement.

Peter huffed with a fond eye roll "Really?"

"How long will we be stuck here?" Harley then asked, tilting his head a bit.

Their noses brushed at the movement and Peter's breath hitched as he realized just how close they actually were. He was suddenly and abruptly aware of their bodies pressed together from their thighs to their chests. Well, shit.

"Peter?" Harley called again.

"Uhm." Peter mentally shook the thoughts away "Ye-yeah? Yeah, what's up?"

"You okay?" Harley asked concerned "Did you hit your head?"

"I should be asking you that! You landed pretty hard." Peter replied.

"Nah, I'm fine! It'd take a little more then a bump on the ground to hurt me. Are you sure you're okay though?"

Peter nodded as best he could in their position "Uh. Yeah. Fine why?"

"You weren't answerin' my question?" Harley prodded.

"Oh. What question?"

"How long will the webs last?" Harley repeated.

Peter cleared his throat "Oh, well. This is actually a new formula that I was testing so I honestly don't know? Maybe two-three hours at most?" 

Harley hummed. Peter noticed a teasing glint in his eyes.

'Oh no.' Peter thought to himself as Harley opened his mouth. This couldn't be good.

"Well Darlin. It seems you got me caught in your web again." 

Peter furrowed his brows "Again?" He asked.

"You've had me caught in your webs since the day I met you." 

"What?" Peter's eyes widened, his cheeks heated up.

"Like a fly I was trapped."

Peter snorted. 

"You had me feeling all webby since we met."

Peter huffed a laugh "That was terrible!"

"If you're a spider can I be the fly?"

"You do remember that spiders eat flies right?" Peter replied with a twinkle in his eyes.

"I wouldn't mind getting eaten by you." Harley winked.

Peter had to press his face against Harley's shoulder to keep from laughing too hard "That-That was ridiculous."

"If you were a plant you'd be a Venus fly trap cause you caught me unaware."

"You- Are you even trying?" Peter asked incredulous.

"Say, If you're nickname is webs and you caught me, does that mean I got caught up in you?"

Oh my god. They were getting worse.

"You didn't need to stick us together to get me under you." 

"Oh my god Harley."

Harley snickered "Hey, Is that your hand or are you just happy to see me?"

"That's my hand!" Peter immediately replied.

"I wouldn't mind either way." Harley winked again.

Peter stared down at him with wide eyes "What?" His voice might have cracked a little.

"Is this considered me falling for you twice?"

"Wha- Twice?" Peter breathed out in surprise.

Harley's expression softened "I wasn't kidding darlin' when I said you caught me in your webs the day we met."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I liked you since I met you."

Peter swallowed "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Harley flickered his gaze from Peter's eyes to his lips then back again.

Peter quirked a brow at him.

Harley grinned before tilting his head up.

Their lips were a few centimeters away when the door swooshed open.

"Friday said you two needed help- Oh. Am I interrupting?" Tony asked in amusement as he glanced between the glaring Harley and the red as a tomato Peter.

"Yes." Harley replied deadpan.

"No!" Peter yelped out at the same time.

Tony snorted "Sure. I'll just leave then." He turned towards the door.

"Wait! Can you at least pour the web solution over us first? I really don't know how long this webbing will last." Peter asked him with an light blush.

Harley didn't stop using pick-up lines after that. Much to Peter's secret delight.

...

"Hey, Can you grab my arm?" 

Peter jumped in surprise "Where did you come from!?" He yelped, looking up from the book he had been reading on the couch.

Harley waved his hand "Doesn't matter. Grab my arm." He held his arm out with an expectant look in his face. 

Peter furrowed his brows but gently grabbed his wrist "Why? Did you hurt yourself?"

Harley suddenly grinned mischievously at him "No. But now I can tell people I was touched by an angel."

Peter blinked "What."

"Smooth." Clint gave Harley a high five as he passed him on his way to the kitchen.

Harley shrugged "I was feeling a little off today." He said.

Peter looked at him in worry "Are you okay?" 

"Oh yeah, I'm fine. When you came by I was immediately turned on." He even threw in a wink.

Peter blinked widely at him in a mix of amusement and surprise.

"There must be something wrong with my eyes. I can't seem to take them off of you."

Peter snorted.

"Are you a submarine? Because I'd definitely go down on you."

"Oh my god. I did not need to hear that." Tony turned on his heel "I'm going back to my lab."

A thought hit Peter and he stood up "Wait. I actually need your help with something!" He gave Harley a sheepish smile "Sorry Harley. I gotta go."

Harley watched as Peter followed Tony into the elevator, unaware that they both had the same plan to see how long it took for the other to crack.

...

"Okay I'm here. What were your other two wishes?"

Peter rolled his eyes in amusement.

"Hey Harley. I just needed your opinion on this blue print." He tapped on the hologram making it bigger for both of them to see.

"Mmh. It's almost as fine as you."

Peter hummed "But do you see any problems with it?"

"Yeah, You aren't on it."

Peter gave him a bewildered look "That didn't even make sense."

"The blue print's fine. And so are you." Harley replied.

Peter beamed "Great thanks!"

...

"Do your legs hurt from running through my mind all night?" 

Peter blinked up from his mug of coffee "Morning Harley."

"You must do interior design because you definitely made this room more beautiful."

"I suck at interior design." Peter replied before taking a sip of his coffee.

"And I'm not a photographer but I can see you and me together."

"There's coffee in the pot." Peter stood up and headed out of the kitchen. He pecked Harley on the cheek on the way out.

"Oh come on!" He heard Harley groan.

Peter pressed his lips together, eyes twinkling with laughter.

...

"Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?" MJ read the text aloud "What?"

Peter snorted "Harley has been using really bad pick up lines for the past two days now."

Ned laughed "Oh, you must love that."

Peter grinned right back.

MJ looked between the two "Am I missing something?"

"Peter loves pick-up lines." Ned replied.

Peter nodded "Especially really bad ones."

MJ hummed "Okay then."

 ...

"Kiss me if I'm wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?"

"Actually they do. There have been studies that show birds are-"

Harley thumped his head on the table.

...

"Is your name Google? Because you're everything I'm searching for."

"Did you forget my name?" Peter asked.

"No. I could never forget something that's as gorgeous as you are."

...

"Forget Spider-man, I'll be your man." 

"I asked if you wanted pizza." 

"Sure. I'd take a Pizz-a you."

"So cheese. Got it." 

"Want to hear something cheesy? You look Gouda tonight."

...

"Did you hear of the new disease called beautiful? I think you're infected."

Peter hummed "Thanks."

"Do you generate electricity with water through the process of hydro power? Because dam."

Peter nearly choked on his soda. He had to press his lips together to keep from laughing.

"Do you swallow magnets? Cause you're attractive."

Peter couldn't hold it back anymore. He burst out into loud laughter.

"O-oh my god! That was awful!" He hiccuped.

"Do you like science because I got my ion you."

Peter nearly fell of the couch with how hard he was laughing. He took a couple breathes to calm himself when Harley spoke again.

"Finally! Of course it took a science line to get you to react."

Peter started laughing again at the unintentional pun.

...

**Later that day**

"Hey Harley, are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only Ten-I-See."

"That was horrible."

"Your hand looks heavy. Let me hold it for you."

"Only if I can hold yours for you." Harley shot back.

Peter laughed "If you promise to never let go." He replied.

"Want to get some coffee? ‘Cause I like you a latte."

Peter nodded with a twinkle in his eyes "See that door? Let's go out."

Pick-up lines were the best.

**Author's Note:**

> If it wasn't clear, Peter was teasing Harley. Peter loves pick-ups lines a lot but he also wanted to see if Harley would give up if he pretended not to react to them.


End file.
